I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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