oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
love makes seman taste better
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Randomize
