I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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