I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
