can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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