He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
