Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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