why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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