Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
