nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
