those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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