What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
