I cannot find my penis.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
My butt remains clenched, sir.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
