You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
