I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
