so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
