I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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