just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
