His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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