obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
