It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize