quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
