We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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