i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Randomize
