Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Someone came in the potted fern
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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