I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
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