i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
