are you still at the devil's house?
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
