Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
