I wish i was in the wii world.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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