Tell her she can't have a vagina
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
