He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
how do you play pong handcuffed?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
