Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
