the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
