omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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