Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
