I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
