If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
