Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
