youre lurking in front of me
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
