my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
