I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
My cat gives me a boner
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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