I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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