we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
