how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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