How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
