I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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