If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize