i permit you to call me
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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