New low: just hacked my moms facebook
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
