I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Sacagawea was the original milf.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I fill condoms, not promises.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
