I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
