i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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