Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
