I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
