Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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