I can tuck mytits in my pants
Need sex. Gaining weight.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
