K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
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