I just saw a hot homeless man
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
