i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
