i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
