Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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