did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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