The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
