She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
