Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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