note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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