And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
