he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
