i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize