Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Randomize
