Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
