I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
