Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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