I swear she didn't look like that last week.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
He is an equal opportunity slut.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize