i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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