You smell like stripper and shame
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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