well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
