Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Randomize
