I can tuck mytits in my pants
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
